Friday, 24 December 2010
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
So, as you may or may not have noticed, it's been over two months since my last post now and the last few before that had been pretty sparse.
I did write a lengthy explanation of why blogging had been so infrequent, detailing the entirely true account of my kidnapping and removal to Florida at the hands of Richard Littlejohn and the somewhat surprising revelation that I am his long lost son, but then I decided you all probably knew that anyway.
The truth is (and this is something I've put off writing for weeks now) I can't do it any more.
There are various reasons why not. Firstly, and most obviously, is how loathsomely trying it is to actually read the Mail every day. I've heard it said that reading newspapers is a great way to get a warped view of the world but, by Christ, that doesn't come close to what the Mail does to you. Brain-rotting stuff, seriously.
Secondly, I set this blog up because, at the time, newspapers were the biggest avenue for bile into the heads of unsuspecting plebs in this country and the Daily Mail was the most influential bile-carrier out there. Things have changed (a bit) now. There are more channels to disseminate fear and vitriol than ever before and newspapers hold decreasing power to really damage large numbers of people.
Personally, I think this is great; the freer and more transparent the conversation, the better, and the idealist in me believes that people are a little less (6% probably) likely to blindly believe the written turds they used to, and a little more likely to look around and say 'Hey! Gay Muslim single mothers haven't stolen my house after all!'. It does mean bollocks can spread faster than ever before too, of course, but the curatorship of crowds is not to be underestimated.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that communication is evolving, while bad newspapers are not, and that there's plenty more, but slightly less potent, shite out there ready to be skewered, and focusing on one particularly rotten ship putrefying in a sea of gradually sinking Titanics of hate just ain't what it used to be. And no I don't care how long my sentences are, it's my farewell do, so nur.
Thirdly, I just don't have much time any more. This pains me the most because I love writing but I simply cannot do as much of it as I'd like. Quails take quite a while to put together (you try typing with wings) and, unless I cut down heavily on the length and content, which I'm not prepared to do, I couldn't carry on.
Then, lastly, there's the blogosphere, a weird beast if ever there was one. There are some truly brilliant blogs out there, but then some truly awful ones too and, frankly, I don't like where it's all headed. I won't bore you with the intricacies.
What happens now? Well, I may post here veeery occasionally but don't hold your breath. I will, however, continue warbling on Twitter as much as ever, so do join me!
Oh and lastly, those brilliant blogs I mentioned? They're all in the blogroll over there <-- so, if you haven't already, give them a read.
Lots of love,
D Quail (expat)
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Monday, 11 January 2010
'I've got an eye for this sort of thing', the mysterious hack wheezed last night after studying almost two photographs that explicitly - and conclusively - show the jailbait star pointing her face at the 22 year old UK ace and exposing her teeth in a look that experts have described as 'not in the least bit suggestive'.
Robson has been known to wear short skirts on court and is thus quite probably 'well up for it', say insiders.
The scintillating news comes only days either before or after (we didn't check) raven haired but disappointingly elderly filmvixen Megan Fox didn't get up close and steamy with Hollywood centenarian Mickey Rourke in a series of revealing photographs snapped by the very same Daily Mail Reporter.
Speaking from his tree-top spy house, the sweaty Reporteur told us: 'Clearly they're just filming a movie in which they kiss and stuff and only a simpleton would consider that even remotely newsworthy but you have to suspend your disbelief with this sort of thing. I mean, she's 23 and he's 57. See what I mean? Yeah. I've got an eye for it.'
However, Daily Mail Reporter's estranged wife Liz Jones warned that huge age differences are not always a sign of true lust and legally questionable sexual intrigue, reminding readers that it's only cool for old men to romance much, much younger ladies, not the other way round.
In an excruciating 834 words on the subject that amusingly contained the phrases 'cavernous depths' and 'cougarous prediliction'*, Jones said that although she once married a man 15 years her junior, other women who take younger men for lovers, like Iris Robinson, are depraved cradle snatchers who probably deserve their mental breakdown and subsequent suicide attempts.
To research her stunning thesis on cognitive dissonances in age disparity and gender, Jones watched the 2009 film 'It's Complicated', starring Meryl Streep, and also read at least half a book about a female teacher who embarks on an affair with a 15-year-old pupil, which, she says, 'gets perilously close** to the crux of the matter.'
A local man said: 'Reading the Daily Mail makes me feel all dirty, and not in a good way.'
* Liz Jones is an actual journalist who gets paid to write words.
** Seriously. 'Perilously close'? Remember, she probably got paid more for those two nonsensical words than you'll earn today.
Saturday, 2 January 2010
I've recently discovered something even better than plain old lists though: lists containing nothing but links to my Amazon store. They're just fab. See, it looks like I'm just doing another innocent list post but really I'm selling you stuff on which I get paid commission. And you probably didn't even realise! Isn't that fun?
[insert a bit of conversational padding here]
So without further ado, here's my Top Ten Super Brilliant Books to BUY RIGHT NOW FROM MY STORE:
A ripping yarn about a journal-jism. I got this book for Winterval even though I usually ask for
A clever person book by scientician Ben Goldacre. Centres around brilliance of science reporting in the media. Absolutely stat-tastic. PLEASE BUY IT FROM MY STORE
Left wing s
I can't be bothered to even pretend that I'm doing this for any other reason than to make some post-Xmas money, so here's the blurb from Amazon: 'Polite, pensive, mature, reserved ...Charlie Brooker is none of these things and less. Rude, unhinged, outrageous, and above all funny, "Dawn of the Dumb" is essential reading for anyone with a brain and a spinal cord. And hands for turning the pages.' GO TO MY AMAZON SHOP AND BUY THIS FROM THERE, NOT THE MAIN SITE, PLEASE
I haven't actually read this but it's probably quite good. Media studies students are told to read Noam Chomsky and they know where it's at. This book is only 50 pages long which is nice. It's seeringly honest. BUY IT NOW PLEASE, MAKE SURE YOU CLICK THIS LINK TO BUY IT, DON'T SEARCH FOR IT OR BUY IT FROM WATERSTONES OR I WON'T GET ANY MONEY OK, SO CLICK HERE WHERE THE BLUE UNDERLINED WORDS ARE, THANKS
Ok, I know I said it was a top ten list but I got so bored writing this that my face started to melt.
So, er, now I need to pretend that this is an actual blog post about something and not just an excuse to print loads of adverts...ooh, this is a bit awkward, um...ah! yes, of course -
So what are your favourite books about journalism and media and things? Do tell me in the comments; I'm not just here to sell you stuff you know!
P.S.Do you know anyone who needs an internet pundit to speak at a function? I'm always available at a low, low price. Also do birthdays, weddings and Bar Mitzvahs.