Friday, 16 October 2009

JAN MOIR: Why there's nothing natural about these gays

It was bound to happen.

The moment Stephen Gately came out in 1999, selfishly mortifying legions of young female fans in the process, I had him marked as a dead man walking.

Through the recent untimely demises of Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, and Richard Whiteley, fans have become resigned to finding out that their heroes were probably at least a bit gay and thus doomed to an early grave. There are few things as sad as a young girl finding out that the idol whose image adorns her bedroom walls has died - or even worse, is homosexual. Sadly, it is becoming all too common to find that, inevitably, both are true.

There are millions of household names out there that are ticking timebombs of fatal gay. Their damaging lifestyle choices only lead to one thing - certain death, whether it be of one of those gay diseases you read about like Herpes, or just gay itself (a proven immune system inhibitor).

Danni, Simon, Cheryl, Louis - especially Louis - we all know they're at least 12% gay. And it's not hateful to anticipate, or even look forward to, their terrible end at the hands of modern gay: a pink shirt, an appearance at Pride, or a scarf that's just that little bit too dainty, all herald impending doom.

That fateful morning after 12 hours binging on mojitos and 'Slippery Nipples' (or strong brown ale if it's a lesbian), a body is found face down in the gutter, an outline of sparkly body paint marking the place at which gay finally caught up with the sufferer and the soul was taken from the body by angels in denim hotpants. We've heard the story countless times before.

And yet, somehow, most people never expected it of Stephen. Not the cute one with the big blue eyes from Boyzone. He was all the things that homosexuals aren't: clean, nicely dressed, and polite. People thought he was safe, because he wasn't that gay. But let's be clear - it doesn't matter how queer you are. Even the merest hint of mincing in a man's stride, or glancing at another chaps's todger in the gym shower or those deadly honey-traps of unsuspecting straight men everywhere, the gent's lavatories, is enough to usher imminent death.

And so it was with Gately. After going out "clubbing" (a euphemism for hanging around the loos with a tell-tale pink feathered hat, the accepted sign of availability), he and "his" husband retired to their hotel room with a pretty young Bulgarian boyman. Now I'm not homophobic, but it's safe to assume they weren't just going back for a quick game of snakes & ladders. More like just plain old snakes, if you know what I mean. In case you don't though, I mean gay stuff. You know what they're into - hanging each other like that other possibly gay Hutchence man did, spanking, dressing up as ladies, knife swallowing, and bear-baiting. If one is to indulge in such dangerous persuits of carnal pleasure, one must be prepared for the consequences. Did we learn nothing from the hapless Sodomites?

Precisely what happened before, during, or after the salacious triumvirate returned to their hotel I don't know, but it's quite obvious that it was something icky that almost certainly led to poor Stephen's death. I'm no expert, or medical professional, nor do I know most of the facts, and I haven't really bothered reading about the case or asking anyone, but with cases like this you don't need to.

Some might say the death and the fact that the deathee was gay are unconnected. To them, I say: 'no'. Look at the facts - he died, and he was gay. Therefore he died of gay. If a young, healthy man dies whilst suffering from a cold, obviously nobody would suggest that the cold had killed him, but with gay it's different. Medical reasons, and that. Isn't it? Yes, I think it is.

The post-mortem 'established' that Gately died from fluid on the lungs. I'm sure he did, but why is nobody asking the crucial question: 'How did that fluid get there? Was it from gay?' Let's be clear, these are no 'natural causes'. Normal, heterosexual men of 33 don't just climb into their pyjamas, curl up and cease to be. First of all, they don't wear pyjamas because they're straight. But most importantly, people under the age of 50 just don't die.

Do you know any straight people under the age of 50 who are dead? I don't. Well, I used to know this chap, but he died at 29 from cardiac arrest, a distinctly non-gay thing to die of. Anyway, I don't know him now, so the point is valid.

Gately's family has maintained that drugs had nothing to do with their son's death, but, as everybody knows, drugs and homosexuality go hand in hand like two lesbians at a stripclub. Another recent gay death proves it. Kevin McGee, the former husband "of" Little Britain star Matt Lucas died after a homosexually charged drug binge.

The dubious events (by which I mean gay stuff again) of Gately's last night raise troubling questions. It is important that the truth comes out - and not "medical" truth, or the ruling of some officious, poorly trained foreign coroner, but a string of ex-boyfriends to tells us all the dirty secrets of Gately's past. Only then can we be safe in the knowledge that this tragedy was all because of gay.

More: Hagley Road to Ladywood: Sickening homophobia
Enemies of Reason: Why there is nothing natural about the life of Jan Moir

++
Update ++

All hosted advertisements have been removed from Jan Moir's article, possibly as a result of this. The headline has also been changed.

I wouldn't be overly surprised if the article is removed entirely quite soon.

Mini-update: Now the article has been pulled from MailOnline's search function...

85 comments:

  1. brilliant work!
    on a more serious note, i am totally sickened by jan moir's article. it is an absolute disgrace. i don't even have words! it's not only homophobic and nasty and sly, but there's a grieving family and there are grieving friends who don't need this kind of smug shit being published.
    but i think satirising her and the outrage in the blogosphere is a good way of pointing out and making a noisy protest against what she's written. cheers jamie!

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  2. you're horrible!

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  3. Here's a handy link to the Press Complaints Commission's complaint form, just in case anybody feels like reporting Jan Moir for breaching clauses 1, 3, 5, and 12 of the code of practice.

    http://www.pcc.org.uk/complaints/form.html

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  4. i've complained about Moir's article. she's a nasty bigotted piece of work.

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  5. Fucking idiot, get a life and grow up. Honestly, you sound like a child. People don't die from being gay, it's a coincidence if they die young and are gay. There are so many other cases which happen to hetrosexuals so grow up.

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  6. Some people don't know satire when they read it.

    I blame gay.

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  7. Excellent post. The perfect antidote to the massive and blinding dose of rage I felt upon reading the original article in the Daily Heil. Honestly, sometimes I think their columnists are competing to see who can write the most utterly cretinous piece. The Daily Mail, where a new all-time-low is guaranteed at least once a week.

    Thanks!

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  8. Stupid people are giving Anonymous a bad name.

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  9. Perhaps anonymous, just above, doesn't understand satire?

    I thought your post was brilliant, and we should all complain to the Press Complaint's Commission. Jan Moir can't be allowed to get away with this.

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  10. Hey stop plagiarizing Jan! they'll have you up in the courts.

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  11. hi there
    stephen fry sums it up well:
    I gather a repulsive nobody writing in a paper no one of any decency would be seen dead with has written something loathesome and inhumane.

    but anyway i have complained to the PCC and i have posted my letter onto my blog so if you want to complain as well then please feel free to use my letter if you agree with its sentiments and if you haven't got time to write your own.

    http://sianandcrookedrib.blogspot.com/2009/10/jan-moir-and-stephen-gately.html

    love xx

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  12. hahah - how funny that some people think this is a real article. Wow - grow a brain cell.

    As for the real article that this is an amusing satire of - despicable. It's trivial to fill in that PCC form and I think we all should.

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  13. i have the gay, its only a matter of time. PS: have never been to a strip club.. yet lol

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  14. Studies show that if you're gay, you'll almost certainly die at some point.

    Correlation=causation, as the science-tists say.

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  15. I really thought Jan Moir was dead until this morning, but probably not dead of gay.

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  16. Ha just read the real article, and then this, not much different at all hah, but yes credit to you. that article was a disgrace, but am so used to that with the daily mail, hope jan gets shot by a group of black, gay, immigrant gypsies....or selected by the BNP as one of their spokespeople, as they have about as much sense to say as she does!

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  17. Oh how very funny.

    Do you not understand that Moir at least offers crumbs of comfort to those families devastated by gay?

    Doctors don't have answers for everything that's wrong... not yet... so is it not safe to assume that if a member of your family ends up smoking a cannabis cigarette, or off their mash on ecstacy pipes, or even dead - then it COULD'VE been gay that caused it?

    With your pro-homo rhetoric, you're trampling over the last refuge of honest, hard-working, worried, British families. Proper British too... none of that other kind.

    I hope you're happy. I am horrified.

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  18. Brilliant piece of satire, well done. im off to fill the form in

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  19. Haha, excellent article! Well written and a nice antidote. At least some of us can spot satire!

    On the serious note I have complained to the PCC already - doesn't take long, it's the least you can do and there's prewritten letters out there for it.

    Stephen Fry sums it up nicely. I always call the paper by the name anold friend did - 'the Daily Hate Mail.' Vile loathesome rag of nastiness, feeding off the bitter and evil. Thank goodness not all of society's like that.

    Akira x

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  20. Did you know, people with no satire detector die young, too.

    Even if they're not gay.

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  21. I love my dead gay son! - "Heathers"

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  22. Well done! I was disgusted by the Mail article, this at least put a smile on my face.
    I have also made a complaint to the PCC .

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  23. Brilliant. Filled in form. Anonymous #3 you're a twat.

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  24. Oh so this was an article spoofing the other one, sorry for my previous comment then. I hadn't read or even heard of the other article and thought this was a real artice, sorry.

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  25. Jamie 13:44

    You mean "Scienticians"...

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  26. Excellent piece of spoofing!

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  27. Excellent piece. Off to fill in the form now.

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  28. Good work. The Moir piece is unusually vicious even by the standards of the Forger's Gazette.

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  29. I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you. Don't you do *any* research? Everyone knows it's a green feathered hat if you want to project availability... *g*

    (Seriously though - superb parody and exceptional use of sarcastic quotation marks!)

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  30. Outstanding. I loved 'two lesbians at a stripclub'

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  31. One of the most brilliant pieces of satire I have ever read. Bravo!

    However, I must point out one small error . . . everyone knows that gays would never go to heaven, so it must have been devils (not angels) in hotpants taking his soul away. [Snicker]

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  32. Genius post.
    PS. Have you noticed how much Jean Moir looks like a wild boar?

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  33. there is a fine line between satire and being an asshole. and this crosses it.

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  34. HAHAHAHA! Love it! She really is vile

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  35. Ha, brilliant!
    a perfect antidote to her evil words of hate!
    Jan Moir should be fired, or at least made to make a public apology. She is a bigotted, scum!

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  36. oops, that meant to say peice of scum.... looks like I'm as bad with words as jan 'hack' Moir!

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  37. I was about to write something on this article but you're post is so top notch that i'm positively kicking myself with enviousness. I can't write anything now, i would pale in comparison.

    "fatal gay" LOL. :)

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  38. Is this woman actually educated? This is ridiculous.

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  39. WIll Tamiflu work on gay?

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  40. What a retarded sad excuse of a person, I hope a public flogging for her queerbashing hate shall be exercised!!!

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  41. Love it!
    www.facebook.com/qboymusic

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  42. very good piece.

    and a mention of Heathers in the comments too...a marker of quality.

    given the collective enraged response, i think moir deserves a pat (stab) on the back for 'outing' the mail as the odious cesspit of fascism it so often pretends not to be through more subtle....fascism.

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  43. Ignorant bitch. Narrow mained frigid!!! Go away and get some gay in your life and then maybe you'll ave an orgasm and you wont be so mad with the world. Especially the gays!! Horrible bitch.

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  44. You know what god said.
    It's ADAM & EVE,
    Not
    ADAM & STEVE

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  45. Have an A* - this is blooming brilliant!

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  46. God preached love, understanding and told us not to sit in judgement Anonymous. I am very upset to be sharing oxygen with Jan Moir. Odious, ignorant, bigotted witch!

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  47. If it is satire, which I hope it is, then its very badly timed while also lacking a discrete and purposeful context. As a result, its insulting to anyone that's ever suffered grief. It fails to be humorous, as most well-written satirical pieces, at least attempt to deliver. It's not funny Jan. It's a toilet-bitch. I'm not angered, just amazed at how incredibly thick and short-sighted you are. I wonder about your motives, but not enough to preoccupy. Vitamin B works well for witches piss roimh an gealach nua. NĂ¡ire ort.

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  48. Mummyhaveigotthegay?16 October 2009 at 22:46

    "Stupid people give anonymous a bad name"!!!

    Couldn't have put it better myself.

    This is hilarious. Jan Moir's was just hilariously bad. Horrid and spiteful little lady that she is.

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  49. Just how contagious is gay? should I be concerned? Is there an innoculation against gay?

    Really really hoping that f*ckwit dies in her sleep tonight. Perfectly horrific, bigotted people do not climb in their pyjamas at night and not wake up. . . unless some wonderful person gets hold of a crowbar and smashes her with it!

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  50. I posted an anonymous comment a wee while ago. Now I see that its not the original article. Killer! Still, the original, I've since found is insidious. Toad-head, I will say no more to your suspicious attempts.

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  51. And now the Daily Mail have removed all comments from being viewed for that article (as of 23:12 BST)

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  52. I am grateful to Ms Moir and others like her for highlighting the desperate plight of the many sufferers of gay. I myself started with a little bit of recreational weekend gay, but things quickly started to get out of hand. Before I knew what was happening, I was diagnosed as terminally gay.

    Beware of gay. Know the early warning signs and symptoms. If you suspect your child has gay, do not hesitate to seek urgent medical advice. I only wish my parents had seen the signs earlier in me.

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  53. it wasnt a natural death. god reached down with lightning bolts.

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  54. Reports suggest that his husband was having a STROKE......at the time of his death....yeeeee haaaaa

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  55. Loved the article (not the one by bigot Jan Moir) Just because he was gay & in a band in her sick head it`s ot to be seedy. I`m straight & have invited friends back for a drink after clubbing. We`d drink, talk & listen to music.

    Has Jan Moir forgotten Richard Beckingsale (Godber in Porridge) who died at 31 from a heart attack? That wouldn`t count in her mind as he was married to a woman & they had a child. Tara.b

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  56. Brilliant.

    Makes me think of a story suggestion to Russell T. Davies: "Dr Who and the Curse of the Fatal Gay"

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  57. You are officially a genius. Thank you.

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  58. I see Moir's now responded by saying the response is a carefully orchetsrated campaigin...who by people "afflicted with gay? ". Well Im straight, I thought Boyzone were bloody awful, but I still find her article offensive and have written to the PCC too

    "I wish to complain about the breach of clause one of the code. It is factually inaccurate to say that young , healthy men do not go to bed and not wake up again.Apparently healthy people die every day due to Sudden Adult Death Syndrome.Moir dismisses the family's assertion that their son's death was due to a heart condition despite the fact that the cause of death, pulmonary oedema, happens as a result of heart failure.Also,is she asserting a link between cannabis use and heart failure?

    I feel she is also in breach of clause twelve of the code in that she is using her factually inaccurate assertions to reinforce predjudices against a particular group of people on the basis of their sexual orientation.The whole tone of the article, from the headline onwards, is designed to portray the idea that Mr. Gately's death was in some way sinister and that this is inextricably linked with the fact that he was homosexual.Had this tragedy happened to a heterosexual 'celebrity' , I don't believe that it would have attracted the same type of comment and so on that basis I would argue that the article is discriminatory .

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  59. Very well written vonpipmusicalexpress :)



    The backlash to the backlash, with it's "just the gay community that's doing the complaining" is false, with a hint of spitefulness and bile. It has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation, which is why people have complained in the first place. People don't die of a spliff and gayness.

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  60. Fantastic writer just a pity she's homophobic. And to assume that three Gay men cannot be friends is silly. Not all gay men are into threesomes and hanging around toilets. Jan you are a good writer but I think some of what you've said is a bit naive and your timming could be better. As for people attacking her personally, seriously grow up. There is no need for it.

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  61. CLAP, CLAP CLAP..That is an absolute MASTERPEACE! Beautifully written, concise and so uplifting!!

    Quick question...?
    Why do people that have 'the gay' get their own parade??? Seriously, marching around the streets wearing a pink leotard and yellow leg warmers just to show off your pride? Who gives a fcuk! I am straight and don't have the need to ponse around telling the world 'im straight'. Talk about serious issues and insecurities!! If you have 'the gay', get over it!! Nobody cares..

    Ps. You and I both know that having 'the gay' is a little club filled with smut, darkness and dishonensty. Where's the pride in that I ask you?

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  62. Blogged it myself now
    http://vonpip.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/jan-moir-homophobia/

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  63. This article is outrageous! Maybe the Daily Quail is secretly gay itself. Quail does rhyme with MALE after all. Hey, I've got a great idea, lets start an orchestrated hate campaign on twitter with the hashtag #thedialyquailisgay
    That'll teach em.

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  64. I'm glad that there has been so much outrage in what is an insidious article that preaches on the stereotyping, basically taking advantage of the target audience's (or so it was assumed) ingrained prejudices.

    But I'm disappointed that this sort of reaction hasn't happened sooner, and a million times before... I'm a regular reader of the website (if you're having a happy day, one sure way of bringing you down to earth is to read a couple of the articles - and worst still, the reader comments) - and the number of times I have seen both obvious and implied racism is shocking. Their very own house rules read like standard fare- no discrimination, back up statement with fact etc. - yet all I hear from DM readers are blatant racist names ("Oh, but it's not racist! My best friend is black and he doesn't mind" ) and assumptions, while the moderators (if there are any) look the other way. Oh, and unlike this article, those comments get green arrows.

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  65. What can I say blippin well said, well put well eveything! That Jan Moir women has a stupid intelect 0 intellect in fact like almost all Daily Mail readers, sorry every offence intended! I was no fan of Boyzone or Gately but I am gay, now even more Queer in light of her vile piece of crap amd am not dead so again that Jan woman is way out of kilter. many of us poofs are not dead so see Jan you really don't die of gay now bogg off back under your fetid little stone. I am not in fact anonymous but its the only way I can post a comment. Andy Nixon Daventry

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  66. Shouldn't Jan Moir be at home looking after the kids and making sure her husband's dinner is on the table at the right time?

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  67. yawn...the internet seethes with revulsion over the 'revelation' that the mail produces hateful homophobic bullshit..what next?..they're racist too? misogynist? right-wing? bears don't shit in shopping centres?

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  68. Snore...an anonymous commenter adds nothing to a discussion with the 'insight' that he wasn't impressed with someone else's view, after finding a post nearly 2 days after everyone else. What next? A Hitler comparison?

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  69. I don't know how many of you saw Jan Moir's recent Daily Mail article about the death of Stephen Gately; whilst homophobic in the extreme, it was not uniquely hateful. This week, the Ugandan MP David Bahati recently launched an Anti-Homosexuality Bill - yes, it's actually called that - even though homosexuality is already illegal in the state. The bill:

    1. Mandates the death penalty for HIV-positive people who engage in sex with people of the same gender;
    2. Calls for Uganda to withdraw from all international treaties and conventions which support the rights of lesbians, gays and bisexuals;
    3. Introduces extradition arrangements for Ugandan citizens who perform 'homosexual acts' abroad
    4. Includes legal penalties for people who fail to report alleged homosexual acts or individuals and institutions that promote homosexuality or same-sex marriage to the authorities.

    The tabling of the bill has been accompanied by threats against any Ugandan media organisation that allows LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) Ugandans to air their views or publish press statements.

    Full details can be seen here: http://bit.ly/9FFF4. The article also speculates about the motives for the bill, and is an excellent read. Please do have a look, when you have a moment.

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  70. Two rite, bludy PC gon mad. Bleding hart librals migh't gang upon yuo but your just sayin waht evryone with a brayn is finking. Well Im propper glad i'Ve not go tGAY!!! GREATARTICLEWLELLDONE!!!!1!!

    /satire (obviously, right?)

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  71. Hey Jamie, glad to see that you've been once again blighted by anonymous right-wing tits spewing forth nonsense.

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  72. Good work, "Quail". The Operation seems to have been a success; we'll hear no MOIR from this target.

    Mwah hah hah hah! MOIR hah hah...this isn't public, is it?

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  73. I realise I'm late to the party here, but congrats - this is some of your best work, Mr Sport.

    I'm only sorry you've started to attract a few of the sort of troll-twunts that Penny Red's had to chuck off her place. Still, the price of success I suppose :-)

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  74. @DHG & Christie

    I may keep the deleted ones for a 'best of' compilation release one day. There are some humdingers in there.

    Luckily I don't seem to have attracted quite as many loons as Laurie has though. (Yet)

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  75. Excellent post (although I'm three days late, dammit) - the satire here gets better and better. Moir's shit-hawking drivel deserves to be ripped to shreds.

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  76. I have a touch of gay and this article has me really worried now. Hopefully things will be OK. I did have a touch of AIDS once and that cleared up after a couple of weeks, so it's worth looking on the bright side :-)

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  77. So is she trying to say that straight people don't die...? I don't get it- F'ING TWAT!!!!

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  78. .... Im now really upset. Not only am I gay, but having looked into it in some detail I can also confirm that I am going to die.
    Ive googled for some solutions to this but my options are either a - a rather expensive course of tablets from an un-named source in Nigeria or b. Chopping my head off and chucking it into some liquid nitrogen in California.
    Either way Im still looking.
    Yours, Gay
    PS - I checked that apparently if I become non-gay I might also die.

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  79. Animals are shown to have homosexual tendencies too, which would suggest that being gay IS very natural.

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