Brownfall caused by sinister sisterhood conspiracy

A Machiavellian sisterhood of power crazed women is responsible for Gordon Brown's spectacular downfall, it was revealed last night.

As the Prime Minister squirmed at news of the four hundred and eighty-sixth cabinet minister to resign in a week, fat male fingers were pointed at the unholy ring of so-called 'Women Against Gordon', or WAGs, for hounding the beleaguered Scot to what many pundits are calling a point of no return in Labour's meltdown.

Scheming female politicians Jacqui Smith, Hazel Blears, Beverley Hughes, Patricia Hewitt, Caroline Flint, Margaret Hodge and Tessa Jowell stand accused by The Daily Mail of being 'more loyal to each other than their party', orchestrating a series of 'traitorous leaks' and meeting for sexist 'girls only dinner parties' where they would gossip about male MPs and discuss shoes and other silly lady things.

The mysterious 'Daily Mail Reporter' - lett's call him "Quentin" for the sake of convenience - painted a vividly misogynistic picture of 'months of seething rancour and regular WAGs' whingeing sessions over pesto and pasta meals washed down with glasses of chianti', which eventually 'coalesced into something more lethal - a concerted assassination attempt on the Prime Minister.'

It was like 'The Night of the Long Stilettos,' the anonymous journalist added hilariously.

But more than just twisting the kitchen knife in Brown's already bruised frame, the WAGs have done little other than embarrass themselves, 'Quentin' claims: 'The truth is that all they have left is an undignified loyalty to their own careers'. Hazel Blears' departure was 'petulant and graceless', while Harriet Harman (also referred to variously throughout the article as 'Mother Superior' and Harriet Harperson - hahahaha!) conveys an image of 'treachery in high heels'. Wadabitch.

Harman is painted as an 'obsessive busybody social engineer' who helped shape an absurd 'politically correct, pro-women agenda'.

Caroline Flint, the only remotely attractive one out of the lot of them, will probably be the next 'mutineer', predicts 'Quentin' insightfully. He can tell.

Any why are these awful career woman Mandarins so bent on destroying cuddly Mr Brown and the rest of the political patriarchy that we all love and cherish, instead of staying home to care for the kids?

Quentin provides a subtle but telling clue from Harman's past: twenty years ago she co-authored a policy pamphlet described by critics as a 'a staggering attack on men and their role in modern life'.

Just in case you couldn't work that out, he adds: 'The Sisterhood's revenge on [the male] sex has finally scored a direct hit.' Yes. For women in power, it's all about revenge and undermining poor old men.

See also: UK women politicians not up to scratch, says bookish nerd
and: Polly Toynbee: Another bladdy scheming woman out to get our men

UK women politicians not up to scratch, says bookish nerd

Achingly unfunny Daily Mail sketch-writer Quentin 'Wiener' Letts has found himself in hot water with butch feminist PC bigadiers over a light-hearted article suggesting that British women politicians are letting themselves down by wearing trousers and spending too little time applying make-up before leaving the house.

Letts, described by some as 'toad like in appearance', acknowledged that his 'comedic' take on the list of the worlds 50 sexiest female politicians could land him in 'terrible trouble with Harriet Harman and her sisterhood' for comparing a variety of sparkle eyed political hotties from around the globe with Westminster's plain Janes.

The column featured photographs of Lett's personal choice of the thirteen most attractive 'politic chicks', who may or may not know what The Maastricht treaty is but would certainly brighten up the drab offices of any state government.

Sensationally, Italy's stunning Minister for Equal Opportunities Mara Carfagna even showed off that most elusive of beauties, the Side Boob - although, tragically, her nipple appeared to have been airbrushed out by liberal do-gooders. An insider said: 'Pwoar! I'd let her equal MY opportunities!'

French Minister for Overseas Territories, Christine Kelly, managed to look radiant in a white bikini despite being a bit over the hill at 39, while Spanish anti-corruption campaigner Cayetana Alvarez, was included on the list at number 10 despite not actually being a politician.

The titillating shots, which were unfortunately published without any copyright attribution - possibly because they were all found by the work experience boy at Northcliffe House one-handedly using Google image search, leave Britain embarrassed at scoring a shameful nul points as the government attempts to reach out to attractive young people to discourage the increasing problem of voter apathy amongst nubile under thirties.

Mr Letts, described in some circles as 'a misogynistic geek with a profound fear of women that manifests itself on occasion as snide chauvanism', blamed Britain's poor showing on the fact that 'many Westminster women...have drunk deep at the feminist well' and try hard to 'be the opposite of sassy' for fear of undermining their credibility.

Pointing out that Harriet Harman 'is always turned out smartly' and looked 'V. butch' in a dowdy pin-stripe jacket as she hosted Prime Minsiter's Questions last week, Letts concluded that although Britain's female politicians are mostly quite ugly, 'the quality of their debate may be superior' - presumably because of the proven scientific link between attractiveness and stupidity.

It is unclear why Right-wing pin-up Nadine Dorries was not included on the list.