KFC has introduced halal-only menus to a number of its London restaurants in a move which has angered hundreds of local white folk who like their drumsticks bloody and their pigs bacony.
The decision to offer only fundamentalist Islamic chicken was made by the fast-food chain in an attempt to cater for the billions of Muslims living over here, who consider disgusting fatty fast foods such as kebabs a delicacy. It is thought that most of them pay for the junk snacks with state handouts and incapacity benefits.
KFC is the latest food chain to stop preparing food using traditional Christian methods, after Domino's Pizza launched a halal-only store in Birmingham 'amid a storm of controversy' from nobody except Daily Mail readers who didn't live in Birmingham.
Critics claim that the move is evidence of the 'Islamic supremacist assertions that non-Muslims must abide by Islamic norms'. So far eight of London KFCs have been converted to sell the meat, in areas including Forest Gate, West Ham, Tottenham and Bethnal Green, but insiders have warned that the insidious scheme could be extended to other areas of the UK.
Halal is the barbarous process of cruelly slitting the animal's throat before draining all blood from the carcass, probably for use in some kind of Islamic black magic potion designed to render middle-class white people impotent or something along those lines.
Halal-only branches of KFC will be indistinguishable from normal outlets aside from a small logo on the door telling visitors that the food has been approved by the sinister sounding Halal Food Authority (HFA). Experts have advised English KFC customers to check for the logo before ordering lest they catch Islam from dhabiĥa chicken. Side effects of inadvertently consuming halal food can include uncontrollable beard growth and a tendancy to explode near airports.
One furious local resident said: 'I've never eaten KFC before but I certainly won't be going there again.'