was under fire once again last night after admitting that the only reason he has big hair is to make women think he's gay - all so he can lure them into bed where he will do all manner of unspeakable, demeaning things like touching them and things.
The sick, bouffant-haired devil-worshipper even revealed that he regularly impregnates unsuspecting ladies with the intention of creating an entire generation of mini Brands. It is thought that, with the help of these 'Brand spawn', the comedian might one day be able to launch an attack on decency and traditional values so vicious that the very earth upon which England lies might dissolve into a seething pit of offensive language and depraved 'humour', leaving nothing but Channel Five, FHM and punk rock swirling in a putrid vortex of loose morals and self-gratification.
Brand's claims emerged in a shocking interview with American TV host David Letterman, after Brand shamefully resigned from his BBC job and escaped like a disgraced criminal to America. He has been succesfully tormented out of Britain following The Mail's glorious and incisive victory against his tasteless style of so-called humour, but it seems he is determined to wreak his filth now upon the USA.
As most British viewers would probably not get the chance to be offended by this latest sick bile, Quail readers are encouraged to click on this HTML internet ultralink, where they can download the full interview. Make sure to visit this site afterwards to register your abject horror and disgust afterwards.