Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Now BBC calls for death of pandas
Cuddly, dewy eyed Giant pandas should stop complaining about being endangered and die quietly, a BBC expert said yesterday.
Autumnwatch host Chris Packham claims that Giant pandas, Earth's cutest bear, are stuck in an 'evolutionary cul-de-sac' because they are too stupid to move out of their native habitat - Chinese forests densely populated by evil foreigners. 'I reckon we should pull the plug', he added coldly, while stamping on a puppy.
Packham believes that money currently spent on pandas would be better spent on less lovely creatures such as wasps and scorpions. BBC Director General Mark Thompson, who is said to regularly binge on dolphin meat and runs the corporation from a desk made entirely out of kitten bones, agreed that cute animals have no place in the 21st Century and that viewers should 'learn to love creatures for their genetic efficiency and compound eyes rather than fuzziness'.
An insider said: 'The BBC despises everything you like, including furry things with big eyes. This is yet another reason not to pay your licence fee and moan that they never make anything worth watching apart from Strictly, Dr Who, Attenborough, The Apprentice, Eastenders, Top Gear, Life on Mars, Torchwood, Panorama, Dragon's Den, and Have I Got News for You. Plus, they always get the weather wrong.'