Lynne Featherstone IS a dizzy airhead, she just IS!

Remember that silly liberal woman who called 999 just because sparks were flying from her boiler and it was making a noise 'like a pneumatic drill'?

The story prompted a flurry of support for Lynne Featherstone, the 'dizzy airhead' in question, as fire brigade spokesmen and serving firefighters rallied behind her to point out that she had done the right thing by calling. 'If your boiler suddenly starts making strange noises in the middle of the night, call the fire brigade', they said categorically.

Meanwhile, Brian 'Mr Toad' Coleman, the honourable Tory councillor who caused the furore in the first place by branding Ms Featherstone a nitwit and sending press releases to local newspapers saying exactly that, was told unceremoniously to shut up by the Fire Brigades Union (in so many words) for suggesting that people should not call the emergency services in the case of a suspected emergency. 'His remarks about [Lynne Featherstone] were disgraceful', said the FBU's regional secretary for London.

To one pioneering newspaper, however, such details matter not. Covering the story of another silly woman who called 999 to ask if she could use the hard shoulder of a motorway to get to a pantomime on time, the right-wing tabloid printed a handy cut-out-n-keep guide to time wasting idiots who call the emergency services for stupid reasons.

Unfazed by the facts of the story, or, indeed, whether what they printed had any semblance of truth at all, the brave Mail listed Ms Featherstone's frantic call along side that of a silly foreigner in Huddersfield who called 999 to complain that his takeaway meal had too many onions and a bloke who thought the trains on the track behind his house were making funny noises.

'She was called a time waster by fire chiefs when [the banging noises from the boiler] turned out to be an airlock', the indispensible guide gloated.

It is unclear which 'fire chiefs' the article referred to, but the fact remains that Lynne Featherstone is clearly a silly lady for being scared of a malfunctioning boiler which could have exploded and killer her and her family, whatever authorities say. Just like that idiot Linda Lusardi. Tsk, women.