the heartless banning of Santa Claus by a Manchester school.
The scandal emerged after a primary school teacher, who cannot be named for legal raisons, callously told a class full of seven year olds that, contrary to what they might think, it was actually their own parents ‘who leave presents out on Christmas day’. A source revealed that one child has already been in talks with lawyers about suing his parents for hurt feelings and deception.
Responding to the incident, which left many children crying and has seen pre-teen prescription requests for Seroxat and Prozac rocket in the local area, Blackshaw Lane Primary School, sent a letter out to parents saying that the teacher in question had been disciplined and wouldn’t be receiving any mince pie this year.
Not satisfied, one newspaper repeatedly called the school to demand an explanation and try and find some link with a minority religion banning Christmas, but the headmistress refused to comment. They then tried badgering Oldham Council's service director for children, young people and families, who dismissed the horrifying incident as ‘a matter for the school to resolve’, before sneering: ‘We have every confidence that the head will deal with it sensitively and appropriately’. Reports that the sound of presents being burned and screaming elves were audible during the phone call are being investigated.
Colin from Lancashire, an outspoken expert with nothing left to say since Haringey council’s social workers were named and shamed, said:
...while 'Mags Hamer', despite having clearly not even read the article, summed up the feelings of many commenters by succinctly suggesting that: