The Quail wishes to extend his or her lukewarmest compliments for this, our most beloved non-denominational, theologically unalligned winter festival.
If you live in Oxford of course, that means a happy Winter Light Festival (Hanukkah?), while those in Yorkshire are no doubt already enjoying the revellry of everybody's favourite non-Christian celebration, Winterval, branded as such way back in September by an outraged right-wing tabloid.
And don't forget the little kiddies of Greenwoord Junior School, their faces warm with the glow of a Santa-free end of term break, gathering round a mini Mecca centre piece to celebrate Eid, after their school in Nottingham cancelled Christmas to make way for the Islamic celebration. Hoorah!
Three cheers to the carolers in Kingston Lacey (where? - Ed), whose Christmas was cancelled by the Health & Safety Blackshirts because the derelict church they sang in was deemed too dangerous for occupation. Madness - Nickelmas should be celebrated anywhere, regardless of whether the electrics work or the danger of a three ton beam beaning one on the noggin!
Finally, a good time was had by all after the true location of Lapland was discovered - in the West Midlands. Those lucky enough to grab a ticket before the place disappeared in a poof of wintery sparkle and cheer enjoyed a winter wonderland complete with ice-skating rink, reindeer and fairground rides.
Happy Decemberween, and best wishes for Saturnalia!
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