Anyway, take my super-delicious quiz-o-fun to see if you're as shallow, pointless and patronising as Liz Jones.
You have a deadline looming but still haven't written a single word for your fab weekly column. Do you:
a) Pick a woman at random from last week's news and make disparaging comments about her clothing, wrinkles, or gender, while letting everyone know about your Gucci handbag and new BMWb) Discuss how much you hate mothers/men/your ex-husband/anyone who isn't you, and how horses are far nicer than humans
c) Send in yet another extract from your critically derided new book, in which you look down upon your new bumpkin neighbours and wonder why they don't talk to you in the local pub. (Maybe somebody will actually buy it if The Mail keeps giving you free advertising)
If you answered yes to any of the questions, you are Liz Jones. Find a heavy weight (such as a boulder), some rope, and a bridge - the higher the better. Attach the weight to yourself using the rope.
Jump.
What if you do all three at the same time?
ReplyDeleteTo all the kids with their A-Levels: Guys, Liz Jones is an example of what the Mail regards as an educated, upstanding citizen and is highly-paid accordingly. Many of you, despite being 18yrs old, are already more emotionally mature, better writers & more clued-up about the world in general than Liz. Remember this next time the papers call you morons.
ReplyDeleteCan we not burn her as a witch instead?
ReplyDelete"You might be faster and stronger than us, but you are as obsolete as a VHS video: in the way, useless and gathering dust"
ReplyDeleteYet again Liz Jones describes herself perfectly...
Or as my wife just said, she's just not normal!
ReplyDeleteAs if Liz Jones knows how to turn the central heating on.
ReplyDelete