Anyway, take my super-delicious quiz-o-fun to see if you're as shallow, pointless and patronising as Liz Jones.
You have a deadline looming but still haven't written a single word for your fab weekly column. Do you:
a) Pick a woman at random from last week's news and make disparaging comments about her clothing, wrinkles, or gender, while letting everyone know about your Gucci handbag and new BMW
b) Discuss how much you hate mothers/men/your ex-husband/anyone who isn't you, and how horses are far nicer than humans
c) Send in yet another extract from your critically derided new book, in which you look down upon your new bumpkin neighbours and wonder why they don't talk to you in the local pub. (Maybe somebody will actually buy it if The Mail keeps giving you free advertising)
If you answered yes to any of the questions, you are Liz Jones. Find a heavy weight (such as a boulder), some rope, and a bridge - the higher the better. Attach the weight to yourself using the rope.