Silly Season, the festive time of year during which newspapers find themselves with literally nothing to report on, is upon us.
Even our favourite bile-soaked rag, The Daily Mail, has difficulty filling its pages during Silly Season with anything approaching real news, instead giving over valuable column inches to articles like 'IT memo uses word that person points out is less accurate than other word', in desperate attempts to generate whatever outrage it can from stories about, well, nothing.
Thankfully, a reader has kindly suggested an alternative for those of you currently suffering withdrawal symptoms from a decreased dosage of daily fear and loathing.
To keep your bile levels tippity top, make sure to use the Daily Mail-o-matic while the real thing struggles to fill its pages with real stories of faux outrage. Simply pressing an easy to operate 'Refresh' button, you will be rewarded with such Mailish gems as 'ARE YOBS GIVING ENGLAND CANCER?', 'IS FEMINISM BURGLING YOUR PENSION?', and, 'IS THE MMR JAB IMPREGNATING YOUR CHILDREN?' - all questions we need answers to right away, I think you'll agree.
For extra fun, you may wish to capitalise on the recent news that Mail Online has taken the bold step into the world of unmoderated comments by generating your own headlines using the Mail-o-matic, then sharing the results with other fans in the comments under Mail articles. Should your garbled rubbish make it onto the hallowed pages of MailOnline, make sure to send a screengrab to The Quail, and we'll publish the best ones.
A merry Silly Season to all!