Hirstute Muslim Sues Police After Officers Laughed At His Beard

A Muslim police officer with an hilarious - and possibly fake - beard is suing Bedfordshire police force for hurt feelings after colleagues poked fun at his comedy forest of facial fur.

PC Javid Iqbal claims he is the victim of racial and religious discrimination and unfair dismissal, and stands to make up to several millions of pounds if his case is successful - as thousands of white middle-class taxpayers struggle to keep their jobs at a time of worrying uncertainty for British workers.

Iqbal described to an industrial tribunal how, in one supposedly 'offensive' incident, a fellow officer mimicked his accent and pretended to have a beard similar to his, probably because he was envious of it.

Iqbal's case is the latest in a long line of frivolous 'race claims' to brought against Britain's institutionally friendly police forces - in November a Muslim chef sued the Met because he didn't want to cook sausages and bacon, and only a few days earlier Tarique Ghaffur, former Assistant Commissioner of the Met walked away with a £280,000 payout after suffering 'years' of alleged 'racism'.

Top columnist Amanda Plattell described Ghaffur as 'spitting in the face of the country that saved him' for complaining about his treatment.

Iqbal was also called a 'f***ing Paki', forced to walk home from a job after colleagues refused to pick him up, and was the victim of a smear campaign in which eight other officers made a string of unfounded accusations regarding his performance and conduct to senior members of staff.

He was fired after a nine month leave of absence owing to depression as a result of his colleagues bullying.

Bedfordshire Police said he was sacked because 'He was not cut out to be a police officer'.

Silly Blonde Sues Evil Corporation

Here at Quailcliffe House, we have little time for ingrates suing their employers just because they are too sensitive to cope with a little bit of light hearted racism or hilarious sexual harassment jiggery-pokery.

Equally, however, we also whole-heartedly condemn the corrupt state owned broadcaster known as the BBC, purveyor of smut, peddlar of immorality, and shower of violent soap operas that it is.

So today's revelation that BBC TV and radio filth pimp Tessa Dunlop - presenter of such vile and distasteful programming as 'History Hunters with Bill Oddie' and BBC Radio London's 'The Late Show' - has launched a sexual discrimination claim against the Ministry of Truth Beeb, vexes us greatly.

On the one hand, there is little doubt that taking umbridge at being fired two weeks after giving birth to your child is beyond reason. Mothers should be legally obliged to surrender their lives to the good of the family the instant an infant squeezes its way out of the womb, into the terrifying, multicultural fog that hangs over New Labour's Britain like a great cloud of inclusive misery, eroding traditional values, rewarding terrorists and weakening the gene pool. A woman who tries to work after selfishly flooding herself with hormones during the 9 month gestation period is about as useful as a loincloth on a killer whale.

On the other, it is a well established fact that the BBC is one of the most harmful forces in Britain today and must be stopped before it can achieve its ultimate goal of creating a godless, tolerant country of slavish dedication to the Stalinist regime commanded by Overlord Brown and his team of spin-doctors. Therefore, any legal action against the bloated, irresponsible propaganda machine is to be encouraged.

But how are we to support a vituous financial and moral assault on a beast as wicked as Auntie, while simultaneously decrying the actions of a feckless blonde woman who lacked the common sense to wait until she had retired to have children?

If this Jezebel had been an employee of our fine newspaper, she would have been swiftly ejected from her position as soon as anyone noted even the merest suggestion of a bump beneath her blouse. You can't chase exclusives with some young libertine running around throwing up all over the newsroom.

But that is not to say the BBC took the correct course of action. They behaved recklessly and deserve to be punished for hiring such a weak, untrustworthy person in the first place, and for making us pay a licence fee.

However, Miss Dunlop is wrong to claim 'sex discrimination', because there is no such thing. She has no right to claim compensation, being a woman and all.

It's awfully confusing. We really don't know how to handle this one, and unfortunately Media Watch don't work Sundays so they can't tell us what to think. If any readers have any insights, please arrange for them to be telegrammed to use before tea time.