Metro on: Holiday romances

Foreign flings hit you in Facebook

I think, maybe, this is supposed to be some sort of play on words. As in, something hits you in the face. But why would an intangible concept, i.e., a foreign fling, hit anybody in the tangible face?

Do people use that expression when something goes awry? Maybe it's just me, but I've never heard anyone say, for example, after a bad day at work, 'Crikey, today really hit me in the face'. Furthermore, you wouldn't say anything happened in Facebook. It would happen on Facebook.

This headline is desperately wants to be witty, but manages a play on words about as well as a two year old manages to play on Mah Jong. It makes no sense, means nothing and barely registers as English.

I won't even begin to discuss how vacuous, pointless and mind-buggeringly obvious the article (which has a different headline on the website) itself is.

Metro on: Cutting edge cancer treatments

Eat jam and jelly 'to tackle cancer'

Is this headline based on any factual evidence or does it fall flat on its arse when you actually read the corresponding article?

'"You'd get some protection from eating jam but it's full of sugar. It might be better to get the same protection from fruit and vegetables, which would give you other anti-cancer magic bullets as well"', says Prof. Vic Morris, the man behind the research that resulted in this great moronolith of a headline.

He and his team aren't even sure if the magic anti-carcinogen 'in' jam and jelly even survives after being swallowed.

So yeah, it falls on its arse, misleads, and resides a good few hundred miles away from anything that might hope to be called accurate. Just another day at the Metro innit guv?

Metro on: necrophile cats

From today's London Metro:

Dead woman is eaten by her cats

'"She loved her cats so much she spent half her time feeding them. I suppose they had a big appetite," said a neighbour in Tomnatic, Romania.'

Yup.