Now Labour Wants All Boys to Have Kids

Teachers must stop teaching Maths and English to under 16 year olds and instead focus on persuading them to become fathers, according to new government advice published six years ago.

The Department of Health, embarrassed by statistics revealing that Britain still lags behind America in teen pregnancy league tables despite decades of libertinist sex 'education' workshops, has ordered that teenagers as young as five be brainwashed with the 'necessary skills, knowledge and attitudes' to make them believe they want to have children.

It is thought the new generation of childrens' children will be recruited into playgroundless Labour controlled city academies, where they will be trained as local council snoopers and taught to issue on-the-spot fines to taxpayers for minor misdemeanors such as littering or badger worrying. By the age of 12 they will already have served six years in the 'dustbin Stasi', and will become eligible to have children of their own.

'Operation Make Kids Have Kids Now', as it is known, revolves around a chilling pamphlet titled 'Baby Fathers: New Images of Teenage Fatherhood'[pdf], and features terrifying images of fathers as young as 17 professing to be 'proud and able parents'.

Teenage parenthood researcher Patricia Morgan said irrelevantly: 'This is child abuse. Fatherhood before the age of 16 should be a matter for the police', apparently unaware that all of the fathers in the pamphlet were 17 or older.

Cathy Hamlyn, head of the Ministry for Advancement of Underage Procreation and Child Redeployment (MAUPACR), described 'the timely resource' as a collection of propaganda illustrating the 'positive experiences, expectations and aspirations of teenage fathers'. It is understood a companion guide portraying traditional single teenage life without children as a dark and treacherous time of fear and isolation when young boys have only violent, alcoholic stepfathers to turn to for daily beatings, is due for publication at some point in the future.

Tim Loughton, the Tory party's children's spokesman, added that descriptions appearing in the booklet of teenage parenthood as 'the worst kind of punishment' [page iii] only served to 'glamorise teen parents' and 'encourage some [youngsters] to take irresponsible risks with sex.'

Daily Mail Website Destroys Another Middle-Class Marriage

For months until she finally caught him out, Barbara Davies suspected that her husband was having an affair.

'He was withdrawn, moody,' says the Femail journalist from England.

'He became less affectionate with me and our two teenage daughters. He didn't want to spend time with us. At first, I wondered if he was having some kind of breakdown. Then, when he started shutting himself away with the computer, I started to think he might be seeing someone else.'

The truth, when it finally came out last summer, was far more complex, but equally disturbing.

Barbara's husband had become addicted to The Daily Mail's website after spending hours each day viewing titilating online images of young girls.

In the end, the couple's marriage broke down when Barbara's husband walked out on her with the computer in his arms, saying he didn't even need a roof over his head just as long as he could look at sub-20 year old girls wearing revealing outfits, next to articles calling them sluts.

'I felt utterly sick,' says Barbara. 'Betrayed. I think the fact that we have two teenage daughters somehow made it even worse in my mind. Some of the girls in the pictures looked only a few years older. I truly think it would have been easier to have coped with him having an affair.'

If Jane's experience sounds like a rather seedy, one-off story, think again. Addiction to looking at young girls in various states of undress is increasing at an alarming rate. Men who might have innocently accessed websites such as Mail Online to try to read the news find themselves bombarded with images of nubile teen celebrities, in an environment that allows readers to convince themselves that this is perfectly acceptable.

Often the girls will be condemned for drunken, hedonistic behaviour or lambasted for being too fat/thin or trashy by pretend journalists attempting to justify quasi-pornographic output, lulling readers into the false belief that what they are reading is 'perfectly acceptable'. At times it is the mere suggestion of teenage nudity that provides the kicks. Sometimes, however, the authors completely forget to even attempt to insert any degree of acceptability, using paedophilic headlines like 'My hasn't she grown!'

Before they know it, unwitting male readers are logging on every couple of hours for another glimpse of Emma Watson's bottom, or to see if Peaches Geldof has gone full frontal yet.

The instant accessibility of an electronic Daily Mail and the ability to view anonymously and in privacy are proving to be a toxic combination. One anonymous psychotherapist has even gone so far as to label it 'the crack cocaine of the internet'.

The Mail online claims that is only catering to readers' demands, and isn't doing anything out of the ordinary. The statistics - based on six year old research when the internet was unrecognisably different to its current form - speak for themselves: 12 per cent of all websites are pornographic, 25 per cent of all search engine requests are pornographic, and 35 per cent of all internet downloads are pornographic. 'Sex' is the most-searched word on the internet.

To ignore this demand would be to lose millions of valuable visitors every month; visitors who swell official traffic figures and allow The Mail to claim an ever growing circulation, which in turn results in greater advertising revenue to fund the fight against the horrific, inexcusable evils of pornography and paedophilia.