British Identity Cards Are Offensively European

The first alarming images of the new British national identity card were unearthed late last night by The Quail, we can almost exclusively report.

The new ‘proto-totalitarian police state’ cards, as they have become known by some critics, are little more than credit card sized reminders that we Brits have been reduced to mere Europlebs. Adorning the 1984-style pocket spies, which contain personal information such as fingerprints, names and photographs, are countless Euro-centric images and even, contemptibly, the letters EU reprinted thousands of times over.

Instead of a nice, inoffensive Union Jack, Brussels bureaucrats have instead decreed that the cards display the five stars of the official European Union flag above a picture of a bull. The beast represents Jupiter, Greece’s patron god, who took on animal forms to rape countless women – the children of whom grew up to be modern day Greeks.

The red flag above the bull is probably the flag of some other Eurostate from whence immigrants flock to our shores. Matthew Hickley says in a damning report that although ‘the first cards for British citizens [will] feature a slightly different design’ we should still be outraged by this affront to our glorious nation.

Below is how the ID cards SHOULD look, if New Labour respected the wishes of good, hard-working Brits instead of insidious Brussels overlords.

Multi Coloured Infants Invade Britain, says Journalist

Disturbing figures leaked by a shadowy Government source show today that more than a third of babies born in the UK are, shockingly, non-white.

Out of 649,371 babies born in 2005, 64.4 per cent were recorded as 'White British'. According to Matthew Hickley, this means that a third of babies are non-white despite the fact that babies born to other white (non-British) backgrounds make up another 5.1%, bringing the total number of white babies to 69.5%. When you add the number of babies born to parents who chose not to state their child's ethnic background, the figure rises to 80.3%.

Hickley's creative use of mathematics led some commentators to interpret the data as very frightening indeed. Sir Andrew Green, supreme commander of Migrationwatch UK, cried: 'This is a measure of the extent to which uncontrolled immigration is changing the nature of our society, against the wishes of a very large majority...The Government has allowed immigration to get out of control, but they still show no sign of a serious effort to reduce it.' Migrationwatch is an independent, non-political body that is 'not opposed to immigration'.

Readers of one local newspaper met the news with mock incredulity. Peter Atkinson of East Grinstead in Sussex quipped wittily: 'well, well, well what a suprise', while Richo from Clacton echoed his sentiment, adding ironically: 'Well I never, how utterly surprising?' Presumably both commenters innocently expected the figures to show that white babies made up at least 100% of the figures. J.Mitchell of Sheffield had some acute practical advice for the government, sagely noting that the news was fine with him 'as long as ALL these children can speak English by the time they go to school at 5 years old, and do not require specialist teachers because their parents, whilst taking advantage of making their life in this country, still refuse to learn our Language.'