Sunday 30 November 2008

Revealed: How Labour ministers are dodging Darling's 45p rate

Incriminating figures revealed today how MPs are shamefully dodging new higher rate taxes announced by Minister for Financial Wrongdoings, Alistair 'Darling'.

Darling, who hopes to one day increase taxes to 100% for private sector workers, last week unveiled 'punitive' compulsory donations to the state in the form of a top rate tax of a debilitating 45p in the pound. Many high profile high earners like Paul Dacre and Richard Littlejohn reacted with fury to the prospect of being forced to cut back on Faberge eggs, yachts for their dogs and mansions in Florida.

With his 'Leninesque' pre-budget report, Darling smashed the hopes and dreams of those earning over £150,000 ever being able to afford to shop at Waitrose or ride first-class on the trains by increasing top rate income tax by 5%, coupled with a gigantic 0.5% rise in national insurance 'contributions'.

However, one newspaper calculated that the tax hikes will leave government ministers unaffected - becuase they deliberately earn less than the £150k threshold. The shocking statistics reveal that '23 members of the Cabinet earn £138,724', granting the sneaky policy makers immunity from Darling's socialist taxing scheme.

By intentionally earning £11,276 less than the threshold, government minions will be saving themselves a massive £7,500 - the difference an extra 5% will make to a £150k salary. Despite getting a bit muddled up and claiming that the 45p tax rate applies to those earning over £140k (an easy mistake what with all these big numbers flying around), Glen Owen also reminded outraged readers in his damning report that Labour MPs are given a sickening 'second home allowance'.

The £24,006 allowance means ministers are able to buy pimped-out London bachelor pads, supposedly for official purposes. It is thought by many, however, that the residences are actually filled with the latest video games consoles, pool tables and exotic caged animals from the Orient.

The TaxPayer's Alliance insta-quote machine had this to say: 'zzzzt BLIP...It is unreasonable for MPs to get tax breaks not available to the ordinary public...BLOOP...How can hard-working families expect to get a good deal on tax...beep beep gggghhhhft', before shutting down in a blinding flare of sanctimonious faux-outrage.

The Quail will be leading a campaign in the coming years to reduce the top rate tax threshold to £20,000 to make absolutely sure that no government employees are able to dodge the brutal taxes that have been levied against ordinary, poor, hard-working citizens like you.

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