Saturday, 6 December 2008

What The Mail Will Say About The British Comedy Awards

The Daily Mail will tomorrow describe ITV's British Comedy Awards as 'shambolic' and 'offensive', we can exclusively reveal.

The awards show, which was cancelled last year after The Mail engineered a scandal over 'phone vote irregularities', was hosted by Angus Deayton after usual presenter Jonathan Ross was forced to pull out due to another Daily Mail designed scandal.

Deayton, who was forced out of his job five years ago thanks to a Daily Mail scandal, appeared rushed and stumbled over his lines while introducing guest presenters. Speaking about the flood of complaints over Russell Brand's Radio 2 show, Deayton called the concerned and perfectly normal people who registered their justified disgust as "30,000 self-righteous twats who never heard the programme in the first place."

Brand, who was forced to resign from his radio show as a result of a scandal conceived by The Daily Mail, won the 'Best Stand Up' award at the show.

At several points, Kevin Bishop from Muppet Treasure Island was heard to shout obscenities at guests on stage. When he lost out to 'The Inbetweeners' in the 'Best New British Comedy' category, Bishop was seen throwing an assortment of items at the winners. Nothing was done to prevent sensitive viewers from hearing the Bishop's disgraceful tirade, despite the ceremony's post-watershed time slot.

Despite its usual outrage at colourful language in broadcast, The Daily Mail will not be calling for a ban on the awards because they were shown on ITV and not the BBC. ITV does not pose as great a threat to the Daily Mail & General Trust's local news interests as the beeb, so they think they're alright. If the show had been shown by the BBC, things would be different and the sick filth would need to be banned NOW.

However, The Mail will express outrage at Russell Brand's success in his category, and will gloat at Ross's failure to win a gong.

* Update *

Just five weeks after quitting the BBC in disgrace, Russell Brand is voted is voted top stand up comic (and, unbelievably, dedicates his triumph to Jonathan Ross

Comedian Alan Carr apologises over 'sick' Karen Matthews quip


  1. So spot on it's almost painful. I can't wait for the youtube footage.I wonder if there's any possible way of bringing down The Daily Fail with it's own scandal? How happy that day would be. A girl can dream I guess.

  2. If they can get through the 'Hurrah for the blackshirts!' scandal, I suppose they can get through anything, unfortunately.

    Maybe if they were caught sending supplies to Al Queda, or giving free cakes to the Deccan Mujahideen though....

  3. Heh, indeed!
    I'm gonna wish really, realy hard one of the board of directors gets caught in a leather and whip scenario à la Max Mosely, for Christmas.

    P.s Check out the '' UNBELIEVABLE '' article on Russell winning best stand-up that's up on MailOnline already.

  4. I see Alan Carr is taking a hammering in the mail today. Surprisingly, the comments on the story are positive... is the backlash beginning?