Wednesday 6 May 2009

Fury as KFC imposes halal only menu

Greased chicken merchant KFC has introduced halal-only menus to a number of its London restaurants in a move which has angered hundreds of local white folk who like their drumsticks bloody and their pigs bacony.

The decision to offer only fundamentalist Islamic chicken was made by the fast-food chain in an attempt to cater for the billions of Muslims living over here, who consider disgusting fatty fast foods such as kebabs a delicacy. It is thought that most of them pay for the junk snacks with state handouts and incapacity benefits.

KFC is the latest food chain to stop preparing food using traditional Christian methods, after Domino's Pizza launched a halal-only store in Birmingham 'amid a storm of controversy' from nobody except Daily Mail readers who didn't live in Birmingham.

Critics claim that the move is evidence of the 'Islamic supremacist assertions that non-Muslims must abide by Islamic norms'. So far eight of London KFCs have been converted to sell the meat, in areas including Forest Gate, West Ham, Tottenham and Bethnal Green, but insiders have warned that the insidious scheme could be extended to other areas of the UK.

Halal is the barbarous process of cruelly slitting the animal's throat before draining all blood from the carcass, probably for use in some kind of Islamic black magic potion designed to render middle-class white people impotent or something along those lines.

Halal-only branches of KFC will be indistinguishable from normal outlets aside from a small logo on the door telling visitors that the food has been approved by the sinister sounding Halal Food Authority (HFA). Experts have advised English KFC customers to check for the logo before ordering lest they catch Islam from dhabiĥa chicken. Side effects of inadvertently consuming halal food can include uncontrollable beard growth and a tendancy to explode near airports.

One furious local resident said: 'I've never eaten KFC before but I certainly won't be going there again.'


  1. I don't agree with halal or kosher slaughter as it serves no practical purpose. There is no reason why 'cultural sensitivity' must be served by allowing conscious animals to bleed to death in slow lingering agony.

    Just seems to me that many people deride criticism of halal-only restaurants because they don't know just how much more animals suffer at the hands of chanting halal/kosher butchers.

  2. I agree with halal or kosher life-giving as it serves a non-practical purpose. There are loads of reasons why 'a-cultural non-sensitivity' must be served by not allowing (un)conscious human animals to live to death in a quick dissapearing agony.

    Just seems to me that many people applaude disapproval of non-halal-only restaurants because they do know just how much animals gain at the hands of chanting halal/kosher butchers.

    Also -- Mick is a fucking idiot and a cunT for leaving a comment like he did.

    Ps. The word verification i had to use for this comment was UNBROW -- which seems rather misappropriate somehow.

  3. God dammit, even the free market is on the side of the Muslims now! Why has Margaret Thatcher betrayed us like this!?

  4. i cant believe ppl could b soo ignorant.Im a christian n i hav been eatin halal chicken all my life.Nothin has happened 2 me so far.scientifically its been proved that by sliting an animals throat most blood is emptied from the body making it healthier to eat.It is not good 2 eatmeat that has stale or bad blood. Whoever have posted this must have thought the whole world is dumb

  5. The author of this article is ignorant and you prove it with the guesses you make in the article. KFC is a billion dollar business if they want to convert the restaurants and have them feed halal, don't you think they did their market research to prove that it was a good decision prior to the change? The acceptance of the change obviosly trumps the need to maintain the status quo of KFC patroners.

  6. u all chat sh* what if it is with it..

  7. oh my lord, i can't believe people write this kind of sh*t and that there are others who lap it up! see this is why there are so many problems in the world, because there are so many arrongant f*cks out there who simply make assupmtions and nothing else.

  8. For an atheist Halal tastes better and is scientifically cleaner and healthier. Bacon, Ham, Pork or plainly pig meat is not something that attracts me. All christians like calling people "pigs" when they're angry then go ahead and eat it too. Hypocrisy! The Bible is clear on swine meat to be forbidden. So is the Koran. I arrest my case.

  9. chicken is chickhen.(halal,non-halal,kosher)
    the problem is too wat extent will this country go to accomadate ppl's way of life NOT beliefs.(we get it back home) well go home.
    britain needs to go back to the basics.i bet half the ppl kfc want to accomadate are imgrates.
    The country is allowing everyone to be classed as one and i think they need to understand that we are all different in a good and bad way whatever race or gender
    no disprect attend to anyone

  10. To xxxx, it IS about beliefs, it's a religious doctrine. Nobody's accomodating anyone, it's purely business, they look for their target markets, just good business. Don't understand why if you're a non-muslim you can't eat from there anyway? No animal can be killed unless it conforms to strict animal welfare rules, and if people r so concerned then I suggest they become vegetarian anyway! One more thing, can I point out to some of the earlier posters that the article is being ironic, it's actually highlighting the idiotic over-reaction of any news which involves something to do with muslims in the media. Very well done in my humble opinion.

  11. this is just catering for muslims who dont want to pay kfc prices anyway they are too tight, no indians will go there if these restaurants become halal so kfc are making a boo boo

  12. check your science people.
    The animal feels no pain as soon as the jugular vain is severed. no pain signals can go to the brain. The only thing the animal feels is the blade touch the neck. Then its over.

    As for it being KFC howdo you know its even really Halal??? what coz they say it is!?

  13. Halal/burka/pedophile asians - oh how lovely - what next I implore you.

  14. KFC is a franchise. The franchise owner can source their chicken from Halal butchers if they want to. Similarly with Nandos, Dominos etc. If the franchise owner is a Muslim, chances are, the food there is Halal. If you object to how Halal meat is prepared, find another franchise - there's probably one not too far away!

    Also, I don't think this is intended as a serious news site. The comments are intended as comedy rather than serious reporting. At least I hope that's the case...

  15. It think that it is ridiculous that whoever wrote this can get away with badmouthing muslims left, right and centre. they are stereotyping islam followers as fat people who sit around, eat kfc and live off benfits. at my school, which is private, there are many slim, rich muslim girls who obviously have parents who worked hard and didnt sit around eating kfc their whole life. the person who wrote this was obviously a fail in life and just chose to blame muslims for them ruining their life and not using the education provided wisely. the person who wrote this article is sick and should be put in prison for racism.