Wednesday 15 April 2009

'Victim' of G20 police brutality 'a bit of a scummer', says newspaper

A woman who claims she was left 'black and blue' after being struck by a police officer during the 'Police Whacking Day' event at the G20 protests has demanded taxpayers' cash as compensation for hurt feelings and a couple of bruises.

Nicky Fisher, 35, was seen hurling abuse at a police sergeant in a video of the incident, which took place at a vigil to mark the death of Ian Tomlinson, who died of natural causes on the previous day.

The officer, who was so terrified of violent attacks from the likes of 5"1 Miss Fisher that he felt it necessary to hide the identification number on his shoulder pads, has since been suspended pending further investigation.

But Fisher's reputation was under scrutiny last night it emerged that she 'has faced allegations of shoplifting in the past' and is therefore probably a criminal who deserved it anyway. She even admitted that: 'There wasn't any bruising or marks on my face'.

The Daily Mail also exclusively revealed that Fisher lives in sin with her boyfriend 'in a rundown basement flat' which, shockingly, 'faces a council estate'. Mail journalists who visited her residence to demand a detailed statement the morning after her attack were startled to find 'an anti-fur slogan and a 2003 Glastonbury Festival sticker' stuck shabbily on her front door, suggesting a certain distasteful belief in wooly-minded silliness. It is understood that she has time to worry about polar bears dying and trees suffocating because she is unemployed and relies on state benefits to fund her wayward lifestyle.

Her boyfriend, 'an overweight young man in an England football shirt', refused to comment or even tell reporters his name. Neighbours said the 'couple' have lived in the flat for around ten years, and Fisher 'did not appear to have a full-time job'.

It has since emerged that Fisher is now being represented by public relations guru Max Clifford, agent to stars such as St Jade of Goody, Simon Cowell and Tony Martin. She is believed to be attempting to negotiate a £50,000 deal for selling her story to a national newspaper, after a video of the incident conveniently appeared on Youtube. It is not known how a sub-working class person like Fisher can afford Clifford's services, which can cost up to £100,000 per day, but insiders have suggested that 'something fishy' is probably going on.

A fed up British taxpayer praised the police's stoicism in dealing with undesirables such as Fisher:

One conservative letter writer said: 'Ha! I suspected as much!'

* Update *

Since Miss Fisher's shady background was originally reported, it has come to light that she is also a 'former drug addict'. Typical.


  1. Nice one - first time I've seen this blog.Its almost funny seeing all the apologists jumping through intellectual hoops to justify the actions of badge-covering baton-wielders

  2. It is outrageous what this useless hippie forced the policeman to do. The poor guy must be shocked. Do not be surprised if our law-protecting hero starts suffering carpal tunnel syndrom, thus depriving the city of the service of this priceless public servant and putting further charge on the decent, hard-working, white, tax payer.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. oops, apology for commenting problems above.

    the thing is, i think both opposite reactions are part of the problem - neither the bile stirred up by or towards the police is actually helping anyone. i've just blogged about it myself actually, albeit from a slightly different angle.