Tuesday 3 March 2009

Middle Classes Plan Balmy Summer Revolt

Fears of a searing summer of discontent grew today as 10,752,392.57* middle-class firebrands voiced their intention to take part in protests against 'rising unemployment, failing financial institutions and the downturn in the economy.'

A secret dossier seen by The Quail reveals that the protestors' London march will start at mighty Northcliffe House, home of infinite British justice, and march directly to Fortnum & Mason where necessary demonstration biscuits and conserves will be acquired.

The angry mob, led by a raging James Slack, will then continue to the Square Mile, where slogans such as 'Down with this sort of thing!' and 'What don't we want? Bank bail outs! When don't we not want them? Never!' will be chanted at a moderate volume. Tea will be taken at 3 o'clock.

Demonstrators still able to remember why they were so outraged in the first place will move onto Downing Street where a petition will be handed over demanding increased surveillance of terrorist suspects but a reduction in the number of CCTV cameras and people on the DNA database, less political correctness but a ban on swearing in BBC programming, and fewer benefits for single mothers but increased welfare support for the middle classes.

For those protestors eager to publically vent their outrage but unsure of how to dress appropriately, a guide to the hottest new looks for ladies of the anti-establishment persuasion can be found on this hypertext site.

* Mail Online monthly readership: 22,877,431. 47% of that is 10,752,392.57. See? Totally accurate.

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