Sunday 22 March 2009

Outrage as boy aged TWO isn't given an ASBO

"A boy aged two has become the youngest Briton ever to be threatened with an Asbo."

Inspector David Legg of Lancashire Police said: 'A generic letter was sent to four households regarding continued reports of antisocial behaviour causing concern to residents in the area...A letter sent in error was received by a family with a child of two years of age, this was clearly not intended'

But critics were quick to point out that the child's mother has a different surname to her son, and is therefore probably a benefit-scrounging serial child-birther relying on taxpayers' money to feed her trainee yobs and supply them with a never-ending stram of hoodies and tracksuits bearing fake sports labels.

Reports that the 'mother', Miss Hubbard, has spent thousands of pounds of state handouts on a 62" plasma television, like most benefit claimants do, are being investigated.

The TaxPayers' Alliance have called for the apology from Lancashire Police to be rescinded, as the ASBO will almost certainly need to be reissued once the boy is old enough to start swearing at old people and kicking footballs at middle-class families out walking their dogs on a Sunday. Insiders have warned that this could be as early as next Wednesday.

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