Tuesday, 6 January 2009

Enter Richlittle

Alright, ‘ows it gahhhn?

See what I did there? I only went and wrote something like you’d say it! That’s fucking clever that is, and I’ll tell you why for free. It’s what those buffoons with ed-yoo-kay-shuns call colloquialism, whatever that shit is. But I’m doing it because that’s what I speak like, because I’m real, me. I’m just like you. You talk like a fucking idiot, so I do too. Just because I live in giant great dirty big mansion in Florida doesn’t mean I’m fake, oh no sir. I’m British through and through, and I tell it like it is. A few thousand miles of ocean can’t stop me, however hard that twat Brown and his motley crew of unfunny analogies might try. Ha! How do you like your socialism now you stinking heap of free marketeering bastards? Pow!

So anyway, what about that stupid twatting ‘survey’ done by some clown with a degree? Apparently, January the fifth or whatever was the most stressful day of the year. Well no shit you arseholes! Of course it is – it’s the first day back to work, how many taxpayers’ pounds did it take to work that one out you dirty hippy shits? Well you didn’t get any of my money you liberal turds, because I don’t pay tax! Ha! Go and cry to mummy you bunch of queers and lesbians, ‘Oh no, nasty Mr Richlittle won’t give us his gold’, you’ll say, because that’s how those graduate poofs talk. They got bummed at yoo-nee-versi-tee you see, I know because I saw it in a film.

You know what else they fucking love, those teat sucking shemales with mixed race parents? They love that global warming wank, they fucking love it they do. They have posters with stupid fucking polar bears on their ceilings to they can cry themselves to sleep at night, staring at a bear dying in a tree on an iceberg, then in the morning they’ll wake up and weep a bit more and go and see their boyfriends, unless they’re women, because then they’ll go and see their filthy lesbian mates. Disgusting. Just think what they do to each other. Yeah. Sickening.

But yeah, global shitting warming. How is the globe getting warmer, it’s freezin’ bloody cold in Britain, so I’ve heard. I wouldn’t know though because I live in a big fuck off mansion with heated walls and carpeted ceilings, so it doesn’t matter to me, but what about you the taxpayer? Where’s all the money going, eh? To the global warming police, that’s where. They want to bleed you dry and then sandpaper your nipples with their imaginary cacti that won’t grow in all the fucking deserts that won’t exist because it’s too fucking cold, or warm, or whatever the fuck happens when global warming doesn’t happen, which it won’t because it’s a lie. Why do they lie? Who cares. It’s not real because the turd burgling hippies say it is, which means it isn’t.

So while you’re outside freezin’ your tits off because it’s cold in January which proves there’s no such thing as climate change, and you see your binmen running grannies over and throwing their gold plated public sector cash monies around, laughing at you in your pathetic little private sector job, consider how much better off you’d be if all that money wasn’t wasted on those shit heads. Council taxes are on the up again. You can just picture it can’t you: ‘Oooh, where’s me washboard Alf, let’s get those morons who live in our Labour council controlled town’, says the boss. ‘Nah mate we can’t they’re alright they are, they’re just normal people who pay their taxes, they’re not bad people, what about the kids’. Boss gets angry and smacks the other twat in the face, ‘Buck up you leftie, we’ll save some money for our Nu Lie-Bore overlords by only taking their waste fortnightly...no monthly, haha, see how they like them apples!’ ‘Yeah alright guv, and let’s charge them twice as much for it, the knobs’, ‘Yeah alright’, ‘Yeah’, that’s what they’d be like you can just see it can’t you, you couldn’t make it up.

And there’s this tall foreign bird from – where else? – Pakistan, that hole, that middle-eastern scum hive where the Talibans come from, who reckons she’s being discriminated against just ‘coz she’s tall or what not. Who ever heard of such rubbish? Send her back and see how she likes that, coming over here, well there anyway, taking our – your – jobs and kids and houses. What a disgrace, would you credit it. Says she was a ‘vick-timm’ so she can take your money and sit at home and watch that Arab channel, what is it, Al-Jazeera or something, I-Canbombya more like, terrorists. She’s not going to fit in here, I’ll tell you that right now because I say it how it is, I don’t care what McBroon’s thought police stasi say, I’ll fucking tell it mate, just you see. No doubt she’ll claim some mult-billion dollar, I mean pound, com-pen-say-shun discrimination bollocks when some kind old country bloke tells her she looks like a giant pillar of crap, just you watch as she runs off into the arms of the broken justice system crying bloody murder, ‘Those white folk hate me m’lord, they hate me because I am tall’, she’ll say, and you know what, you bloody well know what, I’ll tell you right now, we DO, we fucking DO hate you luv, because you’re not one of us, you know it, get out you scum, I speak for the people, they want me to be PM because I speak the truth, not that PC mumbo-jumbo Mbingo Mbongo, the fucking, English truth and you don’t like it because you hate Britain. Who’s with me?

Mind how you go.


  1. Jamie,

    there's a bombshell waiting to happen.

    Remember how the Sun had to apologise to "Bonkers Bruno" because he sought psychiatric help?

    The Mail today released a headline stating, "Who says I'm barking! Meet the owners so worried about the state of mind of their pets they put them on 'Prozac'"

    Spear the bastards!!!


  2. BTW the implication is that anyone who takes Prozac is insane. As its the most prescribed psychiatric drug in the UK, I think there are a lot of people who would have a bone to pick with Mr Dacre.

  3. What a bizarre article. The Fail seems to be going to great lengths to find stuff to write about at the moment, real barrel scraping stuff. That one almost seems beyond parody.

    It's to be expected I suppose - it's not like there's anything happening in the middle east or America will be swearing in a new president any time soon.

    Oh, wait...